Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
