Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
