I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
