I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
