When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
