He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
