i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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