He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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