i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
