I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
