i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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