Sponge bath it is.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
