She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
