I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
