I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
