That's intense
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
why do cheetos always look like penises
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
