im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
