i don't like sucking hair
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
