i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
