i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
