my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
