Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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