Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
