Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize