somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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