chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
