Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
