he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
