Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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