A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
