I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Bring me that man meat
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize