so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
