Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
