We won't sleep together?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
