it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
