I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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