you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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