Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
