Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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