i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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