alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
