the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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