How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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