I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
