i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
