Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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