you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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