just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
