soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
