You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
