if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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