id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
