Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
