So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Found your dick twin last night
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
