Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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