She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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