remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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