my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
