Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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