She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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