I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
