The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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