This is not my ceiling
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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