nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
