I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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